Long Nights
by Elizabeth'sdoll
Summary: Castiel things about what happens when Metatron steals away Cas' grace. This was inspired by Long Nights by Eddie Vedder. Nothing too much goes on but a quick look in on what Cas was thinking when he realized he was falling.


_Have no fear, _

_For when I'm alone_

I was sure that the instant he finished casting the spell, my eyes grew wide with fear and loathing. He had deceived me. Used me. Even in the last instant that I was an angel, I could hear the Hunter Dean Winchester praying to me. He was concerned with my well-being again. I have told him, countless times in fact, that there is no need to worry when I am not with him, I could take care of myself. Apparently, I was wrong. How I wish I could tell him I was wrong, about everything, and apologize.

_I'll be better off_

_Than I was before_

The reality of the Scribe's words hit me with great suddenness. I was going to be...human. I would no longer be burden with what Dean called my "angel radio", I would no longer be a pawn of what has turned into madness, and I could do things of my own free will. I was going to be what I had fought so hard to protect. I could be happy...I could love...without any regulation. This was more of a gift than he could ever know. I was ready.

_I've got this life_

_I'll be around to grow_

There are many things that I have witnessed while being among the humans. Especially Sam and Dean Winchester. Humans take the life they are given, no matter the circumstance, and they grow it. They nurture and care. They love and hurt. They grow their lives into something beautiful. Something filled with mistakes, failure, pain, betrayal, and hatred is grown into something better, something bigger, something brighter. Being an Angel prevented me from knowing such things, from learning, from growing. What Metaron threatened will be my first chance at growth.

_Who I was before_

_I cannot recall_

Metatron, the Scribe, smiled at me. I did not expect this. However, I returned his smile. We were smiling at each other, neither of us knowing why the others' lips mirrored the other. I was freed from the clutches of a corrupt existence, I was free. My eyes fluttered shut as his fingers came forward and touched their tips to my forehead. "Thank you" was the last thing to pass my lips before I began to forget who I was, the evil inside me, the pain I felt and had inflicted. It was all...gone.

_Long nights allow me_

_To feel I'm fallin'_

_I am fallin'_

_The lights go out_

As my eyes closed, there was a great pressure on my chest. It was both uncomfortable yet promising. Yes, I was falling. I could feel my wings ignite as the speed of my fall increased. It was much like being cleansed. One by one I could feel my feathers burn up and fall to ash around me. I was fallen. I would be normal. I would be human.

_Let me feel i'm fallin_

_I am fallin_

_Safely to the ground_

_Ah~_

The ground grew nearer until I made impact. Luckily, my grace had not left completely otherwise I would not have survived. However, as I stood and looked at the charred ground around me, it was quiet. There was no noise. No demands. No prayers. I felt exposed. I felt naked. I felt..afraid. I checked my pocket for the phone I knew would be in there. I looked at it with nervous eyes as I highlighted Dean's name. I called him, there in the middle of who knew where, to tell him my wonderful news.

_I'll take this soul_

_That's inside me now_

_Like a brand new friend_

_I'll forever know_

Dean answered in a hazy voice. "Did I wake you?" I asked plainly. I would have to work on being human. He answered in the affirmative. "Where are you, Dean? I have very good news to tell you." He was in Idaho at the moment and I kindly asked for him to stay in the area until I was able to make it there. I would have to take public transport and was very glad that Dean had insisted I carried around money. It took me quite a while to make it into a town and onto a bus. While traveling, Dean called me. "Yes, I'm on my way." "No, I can't, I'm headed there now via public transport. I should be there soon." "Yes, I'll be careful, Dean." I had not really thought about the fact that I would no longer be immune to disease or injury the way I am now. I would truly have to be careful.

_I've got this light_

_and the will to show_

_I will always be_

_Better than before_

I arrived at the address that Dean had specified and knocked gently on the door. The motel they resided in was not much better than where they usually stayed, and I truly did not mind that. It was Sam that opened the door and allowed me to come in. "Thank you." I took a few steps in and smiled. I immediately embraced Dean, a smile on my face. "Dean, Dean!" The Hunter was surprised, obviously surprised, and had inquired what my "deal" was. I quickly explained what had happened to the brothers and they were...shocked. I continued to tell them what it meant now that I was now human and smiled lovingly at Dean. His expression easily melted into a smile and I felt warmth in my chest.

_Long nights allow me_

_To feel i'm fallin_

_I am fallin_

_The lights go out_

_Let me feel Im fallin_

_I am fallin_

_Safely to the ground_

_ah~_

I had fallen. Yes, I fell into the world I worked so hard to save and I could not be happier.


End file.
